Alike
by O'Nyme
Summary: Oneshot. They both were trapped... Both trapped, both lonely without their lives and freedom for themselves. He was right they were alike. AXI. Mostly introspection. Flames and reviews are welcome.


**Alike.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Hellsing and don't make any profit out of this document. **

At least, she could have some rest. It would only be for a few hours but she had got used to this. Indeed, she had got used to a lot of things. Maybe too many things ; it would explain why she sometimes felt so tired.

Integra Hellsing sat on her bed and sighed deeply. She was exhausted ; she hadn't slept a wink last night because of some paperwork which required her attention and then a vampire attack had to be handled. And earlier in the day, she had had a meeting with the parliament.

Fortunately, this day was over now. Integra looked at the alarm-clock on the bedside table at her right side : nearly three in the morning. She'd have three hours to sleep before starting an other day. If she could sleep at all.

Integra rubbed her temples and massaged the nape of her neck. It seemed that tiredness had invaded all her body. Her head ached and her back was painful. She lied down and pulled her glasses out to put them on the bedside table and then closed her eyes.

She sometimes felt really lonely and sad since the day her father had passed away. She often wondered if he felt this way ; Integra had always admired her father and was doing her best to honour his work but she had to admit she didn't really know him. He was cold but Integra knew now it was because of his work. And cold didn't mean emotionless. Yes, he should have felt like her.

It was hard to run the organisation but Integra had no right to give up or crack even for a while. It was not allowed and above all, it was not in her nature. But she was only human. Integra smiled bitterly. She couldn't deny it and didn't want to, but she couldn't either hide her feelings. At least from the few persons she should.

Of course, the first of them was Alucard. Since the first day they met, since the moment he had drunk her blood, this damned vampire knew her feelings even her most private ones. He used it against her to make her as much angry as he could and then told her they were alike : both proud with noble blood. Alucard often taunted her about her humanity and her difficult situation, telling her he could help her to feel free from the human boundaries. She hated seeing him smirk after offering her his "help". She hated hearing him say he knew she was tempted by his offer.

And above all, she hated to admit it to herself. She couldn't stand telling herself he was right. And this thought always led her to the question of her weakness. Being tempted by a vampire – even if able to refuse his offer- was a shameful weakness.

Integra clenched her fists in rage. She knew her father wouldn't approuve weakness from his daughter. She sometimes really wondered if she was equal to the task of leading the Hellsing organisation. She sometimes thought she wouldn't manage to be the leader her father wished her to be. He would be really disappointed if he knew what she was thinking of herself, how she was doubting herself.

Integra felt tears flowing on her cheeks. The sensation of a the warm liquid on her face surprised her : she hadn't cried for so long... She didn't even try to regain her composure; she knew she couldn't. Another evidence showing she was not as strong as her ancestors.

She often wondered if she could reach her goal. Her goal... Indeed, it was not _her_ goal but her family's goal. Integra only inherited the misson from her ancestors through the generations. She hadn't asked for anything but she hadn't refused either. She knew she had no right to do it : it would have meant she was an incompetent coward. She never complained and she wouldn't ; she was proud to be a Hellsing but she wasn't sure she could handle the pressure.

She couldn't help but think it was too heavy for her. Even now. It was already too hard to be the leader of a powerful and vital oragnisation such as Hellsing when she had been knighted. She had never told it but sometimes, she would have liked to run away from her duty, the manor,...

When she was young, she often imagined how everything would eventually end. If she didn't win the battle against the Undead, if she was too weak to control the troops and her vampire... She knew Alucard would be free one day ; after all, this was only a matter of time and he had all of eternity. Integra often thought Alucard should be rather lonely since his pride trapped him years ago and condemned him to loneliness.

Indeed, they both were trapped : he was bound to her by the seal and bound to eternity by his blood; she was bound to mortality by her blood and to her duty by her name. Both trapped, both lonely without their lives and freedom for themselves : he was living only to protect her and she was living only to protect her country. Integra sighed. He was right : they were alike in many ways.

Tears still flowing silently down her cheeks, Integra tried to stop crying ; she needed to have a rest before dawn, before she had to go back to her duty. She dried her eyes and breathed deeply but she was still feeling as sad and lonely as before. Usually, she managed not to cry when she wasn't feeling well but it wasn't that easy this time. It may have become too hard to bear...

Suddenly, the room seemed to be colder. Integra sighed in despair; she didn't need _him_ to come now. Her servant phased through the wall in front of her. Integra slightly lifted her head to face him : his head was low, several black strands hiding his eyes she knew to be crimson. He slowly came onto Integra's left side and sat down at the edge of her bed, turning his back on his master. He stayed there, saying nothing, staring at the floor, his face covered with black hair.

This attitude was uncharacteristic of him. He hadn't taunted her about her weakness or offered her to drink her blood. She wondered what was his purpose. She realised she hadn't even seen him smirk when he appeared. It was strange...

They stayed this way, saying nothing, he, just staring at the floor and she, staring at him. The silence didn't seem so heavy with him in the room. His presence was almost comforting ; Integra realised she wasn't crying anymore. She didn't feel so lonely either. It was really strange ; he was the one person she didn't want to face at a time of weakness such as this one, but being with him was making her feel better.

As if he just realised he wasn't alone in the room, Alucard slightly turned his head to look at Integra. The room was only lighted by the moon light coming through the open curtains, but she saw in his look a hint of sadness and maybe also tiredness. _Huge_ tiredness. If she had had red eyes, she would have believed she was looking at herself in a mirror. The palor of Alucard's skin hightlighted a strange dark liquid on his cheeks. Integra could say with certainty it was blood. She remembered having read vampires cried blood but she had never seen it. Indeed, she thought vampires never cried because it was not in the monster's nature. Yes, Alucard the Nosferatu was indeed crying. Integra was stunned seeing him in such a vulnerable way but didn't say anything.

So they were both vulnerable. There was nothing more to say for any of them : they just were alike. Integra felt herself drowsy and closed her eyes once again. After a while, as she started dozing, she felt the mattress lift as the weight on it decreased. Without opening her eyes, she could say Alucard had got up. She could say he was leaning over her, even if her mind was at the edge of unconsciousness. She felt his cold lips on her forehead, giving her a protective kiss before vanishing into thin air.

She knew now he was feeling just as herself and he was not an ennemi. Indeed, he was her alter ego; she would never be alone anymore because she knew now. And neither would he. She was calm, not lonely or sad anymore. And she could have sworn, just before falling in a peaceful sleep, that Alucard was feeling just the same.

**Hope you liked it... Reviews of any kind are welcome.**

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